500 miles may as well be a million - m4w (the other way...) 35yr

"I don't even know how to begin this, or what to say. No, I didn't lie to you. When I said I loved you, it was the truth. Yes, shit went crazy fast. Both of us found something in each other that we're missing otherwise. I can't apologize enough for hurting you, but you've got to know the hurt goes both ways. Having you, and then losing you, tore my guts out and still does. I won't even begin to pretend I don't still love you. But you and I both know we can't open that door again. As much as it hurts now, going back would be worse. I lost count of the nights I lay awake thinking of you, crying over you, missing you... You asked why I stopped talking to you, stopped emailing. I had to. For my own sanity as much as anything else. I couldn't deal with feeling the way I did and not being able to actually have you. Knowing that I'd never be able to swoop you away, swoop me away, from our own personal miseries to some idyllic beach somewhere that the beers flow freely and the bad shit doesn't hurt you, doesn't haunt you any more.

We've all got our demons, we've all got our secrets. CL isn't my first choice for baring my soul, but it works. Anonymous enough to the rest of the world, and the one person that this will actually mean something to is sure to find it. Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing remains to be seen. But I swear to you, promise you, that I never lied. I loved you then, I love you now, and will go to the end loving you. Another place, another time, we could have been something. But your reality and mine just don't allow it. The lows would have been horrible, but the highs would have more than made up for it... But that door is shut, and has to stay shut for the sake of sanity. Yours as well as my own.

I'm sorry.

The End."