through it all - w4m (Russian blue ) 31yr

"I saw a little life for us. Of animals and flashlights, sex toys, movies, kungfu pandas, fashion, chicken breasts, english muffins, bad movies, feet curled together. And when I was with you I did not care as much about fancy shoes or fancy food. I was so happy having not very much, but just curled in your arms at night. And when I walked the halls of your office a few weeks ago, every pretty girl made my stomach churn and I got very scared thinking of the reality of which I'll never know, because when your glass is not half empty or full, and you just finally feel full, pouring it out and the process of re-judging the value breaks your heart.

and these days I am trying very hard to do my best. and to be honest I am really tired. and lonely, and heartbroken. and struggling every day to make my head right and still be kind and smile at people. and I manically clean and drive order, hating and wishing my love for you so great, that I forget to care.

my primordial love love love you. I can only lie so long to myself."