To be your hammer's anvil - m4w

"I want a charmed try. Connection does not need enhancements of romantic, physical, or mental. Why am I instantly at ease with you? I have run into other women after I've made a mess of things. Sure, I made some rather smallish talk, but I was astounded at the time. I told you I'd had a feeling I'd see you there. I slipped, because its not something I would really want you to know, especially after my clodding about. I just spoke what I was thinking, because it was absurd. There you were, right in front of me. I had/have no expectations. I only hope it really was good to see me, and that you weren't in freak-out mode, trying to be nice so as to expedite your escape. Anyway, so I kinda admitted that I still think of you, yet I do see how I did not heed boundaries. As I said at the time, I'm sorry I didn't. But I'm not sorry I know there is a connection. It's not about music, literature, art, etc...

Simply put: I'm supposed to know you. You're supposed to be on my mind. I'm meant to be at ease with you. I'm not sorry for any of that. I can't explain it, or determine the 'hows' of this. Not meant to be lovers? Fine. But how? How are we meant? I wouldn't be at all surprised if none of this means a thing to you, if you don't ever think of me, if I am just some weirdo (Gonzo was my guy, anyway). Nonetheless, I am telling you that it is there, and you haven't recognized it. We are not meant to go our separate ways, it's that simple. I've had crushes, this is not a crush. This is the undercurrent, driving me to thoughts of you. This is much more special than I care to admit, to anyone. Partially because I don't understand it, partially because I'm the only one who has witnissed it, and the balance because upon seeing it, I gushed it from the proverbial mountaintops sans echo. I hate that I did that; telling you everything the way I did. I do not recieve compliments well, and having that perspective, I wish I would have saved much of it. You close my circuit. From a million miles away, you close my circuit. My ones and ohs streamed out so fast, beating my mind's tempering pace by a country mile. If I ever run into you again, I'm not going to waste it. I'm going to buy you a beer, and see if you just wanna hang out for a couple minutes. I need to un-weird this, so whatever it is that's meant can be. That's all I know."